She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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