What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
3pm strippers are depressing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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