# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
