is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
