Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
