I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
