The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
