mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
