I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You're like the curious george of whores
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
