it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
