Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
