the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize