I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
