I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
