Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
