I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
