just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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