she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
