I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
