I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
