Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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