Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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