We won't sleep together?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
