ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
