I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
