As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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