I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
