That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
