don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
