Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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