Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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