Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
