forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
