he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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