Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Everything about him screamed your future.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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