Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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