careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
