What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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