I hope mine doesn't look like that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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