Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
