Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize