Pregnant stripper...not hot.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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