I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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