Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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