He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just puked most of my soul out..
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