I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
