Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize