I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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