One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Still dying that you shit outside
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
