that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
