And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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