you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
