i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
