I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
