i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
