I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
