just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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