there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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