weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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