my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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