you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
