Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
