When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
