I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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