I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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