did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
