this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
