so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
