If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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