Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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