peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
